Yeah, right ~

Seriously, I don't get it..
What does this mean, that you want to beat my heart to pieces? (or even eat it up, that's gross >.<)
Well, thank you, I love you too.

Striving for perfection ~

I'm happy ~

Today was actually a good day.
In church Richelle Kleine and her husband Jonah came back from Hong Kong (I kinda see her as my idol, because she is still very young and yet is a missionary in Asia)
They were called on stage and told their story.
At the end she said something about that maybe someday one of us (teenagers & youth) would be standing in her place and I immediately felt like she was talking about me.
So afterwards we had a little meet & greet.
In the beginning I didn't dare to go up and talk to them, but a friend of mine helped me and eventually  we had a really good talk and she said that I should pray and feel whatever God wants me to do and if this is what He wants it will happen.
So now I'm kinda exited C:

Mew & Growlithe ~

I can't forget you ~

For all the memories we've shared
And the things we've been through
I would never even dare
To forget about you

For all the broken out there ~

I know that at this moment, there are so many people struggling to survive. And so many who don't know if they'll see the sun rise ever again. Not because it's so dangerous around, neither because there's a war around them, but more because there's a war inside them. Every day is a fight to survive and it seems to get harder every day. Unlike wars between countries or different people, a war inside of you is fought on your own, which only makes it harder to survive. 

The reason that I know this, is because I've been in quite a war myself. Fights between what is right, what you think is right and what others think is right. I don't know when it started, I think it grew, you know, like Hitlers hate for Jews grew, the hate for myself grew too. And from the realization that I hated myself so much, it only got easier to point things out that I did wrong. And I thought I saw other people get hurt by it. So in the beginning, I tried to be perfect and not make mistakes anymore, or at least to hide them from the outside world. It didn't work, I was drenched with imperfection. So I thought that, when I punished myself, I wouldn't do so many things wrong. But on the other hand my head said "NO" and saw that punishment as something bad too. So I was in a constant fight and whatever I did, it was always wrong. 

So I started to look for someone who could teach me how to do good, and went to rehab (which I find a beautiful word, since it comes from the French word réhabilitation, which means "bringing back to the original state") In the beginning I wasn't so eager to go back to my "original state" the state in which I was happy and satisfied. In the beginning I even fought against that "happy feeling" because there was a voice inside of me that said I had no right to be happy. But well, after a while, I stopped believing that little voice. I don't know when it started, but it grew.

And then I shot that negative, "you do everything wrong"  voice down, and the war was won.

I know you can win too, because I've been far more down then this story has told you, but you know, I can't save you. Nor can anybody else. You have to do it on your own, since you're the one fighting this fight. What others can do is provide you the right weapons to win.